Two days ago I sat atop of the Koko Crater in Hawaii. Taken in by the beauty I took out my notebook and spent 2hrs reflecting. After posting some pictures I had numerous requests to publish my thoughts. These are personal and completely unplanned. I hope they mean as much to you as they do to me.
At the top of the crater I sit. Alone for 40minutes now. The serenity of the wind fills my ears and echoes off of my skin. A fly lands on the page. Instead of exerting my dominance I watch it flutter about, confused at the foreign environment, before gently flying away never to be seen again.
In the distance I catch an animal popping its head out above the waves in the vast Pacific. That, or maybe it was just another whitecap. From here I cannot tell.
This is what I live for. Not a big house nor powerful car or the proverbial beating of my chest towards my fellow man. I don’t strive to own more, instead I strive to need less. Slowly my eyes close like the shutter of a camera. This moment is now forever with me.
Hawaii August 2012
Dec 15, 2009
2 and a half years ago I was not happy. I had it all — loving family, a great job, an awesome girlfriend, and amazing friends.
But I wasn’t happy.
What was my purpose? Why did I work so hard? To accrue more money? More women? More stuff?
The night on Dec 15, 2009 I made a choice. If I didn’t start changing my path then I may never have. The idea was on paper and I worked in secret for a year before telling even my mother and father.
What followed was 2 years of struggles. Solitude became the norm and relationships I held dear dwindled. The hardest part was not the work or even the solitude. It was doubt. Doubt none of my hard work would ever come to fruition. Doubt that when it did it would be written off because of my age. Doubt it would all be for naught.
I lied to myself and to everybody I know. This was not out of manipulation but out of doubt. It was the only way I could keep myself going. I lied so much that I lost sight of what was true and what was not.
This was how I kept going through the long nights and early mornings. Lies that more than 5 people visited my web page and that I believed what I was doing was worthwhile. I even lied and embellished relationships with others to make myself seem more important in both my eyes and in the eyes of others.
Perhaps we all need to lie to ourselves once in a while. Perhaps it’s the only way we will truly achieve anything extraordinary.
Hawaii August 2012
As I sit on top of a crater in Hawaii I am absorbed by the beauty around me. I reflect.
This is the first vacation I have taken for 2 years. That time saw a slow walk turn into a jog which quickly became a run followed by an all out sprint. The sprint featured tremendous highs and terrible lows. Burnout became the norm but there was always “1 more thing” that had to be done. A life defined by measurable tasks had turned into one with infinite opportunities and work. For the first time there was nowhere to turn. It started and ended with me.
Writing 2 books is a dream come true but it was never the goal. Having the freedom to work when and how I want is a dream come true but was never the goal. Developing positive relationships worldwide with amazing and influential people is a dream come true but was never a goal.
I never had goals.
I hate goals.. There, I said it.
A goal has an end. There is a set path that one decides they should follow. When they finish they feel a sense of accomplishment and decide that they need a break.
My phone and email was overwhelmed with messages containing well wishes from loved ones telling me to, “enjoy my break” and “shut off”. So I tried, and failed.
Going by their advice I attempted to shut of email and stop writing this week. “My phalanges needed a rest”, I thought. I lasted half a day and am not ashamed to admit I love the work I do and do not need a break.
What I did was follow my intuition. I did what felt right and, for better or for worse, ignored the advice from many people I love and respect to follow through.
I gave because I felt like giving without any thought as to what I wanted to receive against every business mavens advice.
I worked long hours to pay the bills before starting my second job typing away until 4am to quell my insatiable passion against all of my loved ones advice.
Yes some people surely took advantage of my work and that’s fine – I hope they benefit from my work. The messages I get with a simple “thank you” is payment enough. I’ve also found an amazing network of friends and colleagues happy to support me and my endeavors. For that I am eternally grateful.
I might end up rich or I might not. What I believe to be true is different. Some don’t understand, some disagree, and others think I’m downright crazy. Time will tell but I made a promise to follow through on my intuition and that’s what I’m doing.
What I will say is that it’s been a ride. A crazy time rife with challenges. And I love it.
There is no vacation and there is no goal. I don’t need a vacation and there’s no need to celebrate because I’ve finished something. The ride is a journey.
Why stop when the wind keeps rippling all around me and the sound of the waves crashing into the rock below me puts me in a trance. The journey has taken me to the top of a crater in Hawaii where I compose these words so I’ll ask you, why stop?
Hawaii August 2012